There are many reasons why a relationship may turn sour. However, a sour taste in the mouth does not necessarily point at an abusive bond shared between two people. There are many aspects that help to recognize a toxic relationship. Most often it is dependent on the subtle workings of emotions and cunning.
While toxic relationships are not at all desirable, one can never be too sure about when they are falling inside the deep abyss of emotional abuse. Usually, it takes some time – sometime quite a lot of time, in fact – to recognize the fact that a particular relationship has not just stopped working but is being detrimental to the mental and physical well-being of a person.
Responsibility is one of the most important factors when it comes to dealing with the bane of a toxic relationship. We should definitely start by acknowledging the worst that can happen when we try to address a relationship that has gotten from bad to worse – it may end. At this point, everyone needs to understand the fact that an end does not always point to the conclusion of everything hopeful. There is no point in thinking that sadness will be a constant when a relationship breaks. On the contrary, one must ponder upon the statement: The end is only the beginning!
Having said that, the positives of addressing a toxic relationship should be highlighted as well. And it feels great to observe that the positives might just outweigh the negatives of addressing such a situation. To start with you need to acknowledge the fact that you are in an abusive relationship. Most times people in a toxic relationship do not wish to accost the problems they are facing in their personal life. Instead of helping them better the situation, this just ends up perpetuating their suffering. It is most important that the problem be confronted and approached firmly; it gives a person a chance at a better life.
The next best thing is that when the relationship of a couple is under the throes of such hardships, proper identification of the problem helps the people in a relationship try to start all over again. Yes, surely, it is a hard thing to do, but it must be kept in mind that good things come to you only after you have worked hard. Moreover, it is not just the factor of hard work. There needs to be a mutual drive to better the situation. If one person is ready to give it all while the other does not seem to care a bit, then it is perhaps time to move on to bigger and better things!
Try to initiate a conversation and do not budge until you are heard out. A big problem in toxic relationships is the factor of gaslighting. Gaslighting involves the subtle manipulation of an event or conversation through disregarding the statement the other person makes. If you have been gaslighted by your partner before, you need to make them understand that you will speak your mind and they have to listen and acknowledge your words. If they find what you are saying irrelevant then it is their problem to address, not yours.
If both the people in the relationship are determined to achieve a better tomorrow, then it is natural for them to try and talk through the toxic phase. Apart from conversations they will also be willing to act on themselves to be better for each other. They will take responsibilities for their own actions and try to work towards having a relationship that enriches and enlivens them both and not simply exhaust them and keep them sad all the time.
However, there can be moments when the people involved might find it hard to reach a common point of agreement. During such situations, it is best to address the communication problem and move ahead, rather than just hide the problems by sweeping them under the carpet. It is always advisable that the couple resorts to taking professional help during such situations. They can easily find a counselor who will be willing to listen to their problems and offer them ways through which they can solve the hardships in their relationship. If both the persons involved in the relationship persevere and work honestly then they are bound to get good results.
It should be borne in mind that the desire to better the relationship is a mutual act. One person alone cannot take the burden of the relationship. So, if any person is unwilling to better it, the best option is to walk out. That, however, is an extreme situation. For the ones who are still suffering in a toxic relationship, it is time to fight the toxicity along with your partner. And, of course, if you do not feel like you have what it takes to do it yourself, you should definitely not shy away from taking professional help.
All relationships must allow you some room. Room to breathe and be yourself. You must acknowledge that and achieve it.
Written By Poonam Chatterjee
Week 10, March 2021
