That winter, when she was unpacking her suitcase, she found the red sweater. She clutched the sweater tightly and hugged it and then without waiting for another second, she wore it. She felt him. She could feel him. She could smell him. Her favourite smell. The old song she heard on the radio, reminded her of him. When she made coffee, it reminded her of him. Although it did not quite taste like the one he would make. While looking into the empty suitcase she tried to search for him – for his memories, mostly. It was empty. Just like her. She refused to be happy when he was no more a part of her 28-year-old life. He would no more be the first person to show up at her painting exhibitions and she would no longer be waiting outside his office at the closing hours on Saturdays.
Her room, the curtains, her unfinished artworks, the cushions, they all had him. The old album unfolded so many memories they had spent together.
“Sarah please open the door it’s me, Aisha.”
“Beta, thank god you are here. It’s been two weeks and she has locked herself up in that room. We don’t know what to do.”
“I will speak to her, aunty”, a determined Aisha replied.
From inside the room, Sarah could hear her mother and her best friend speak. It has almost been two weeks that she had not seen
Rishav. It’s been two weeks and she has not come out of her room. Every single thing about the place reminded her of him. After several pleas from the world lying outside the door, she unlocked it.
“Sarah”, Aisha hugged her best friend tightly, “what have you done to yourself? This place is a mess!”
She hurried towards the room and tossed around a few things here and there. She has been with Sarah for more than 8 years and been a saviour to her, ever since. She knew Sarah all too well.
“Now get up… please go and change.” Aisha dragged her towards her washroom.
“I don’t want to change this”, Sarah mumbled as she resisted. She knew why Aisha was there and that was exactly what she didn’t want.
Realizing that she should have been more sensitive, Aisha loosened her grip.
“Hey, I understand how you might be feeling. He was a friend.. and one of the most amazing people I have ever met.. I know how much it would hurt him to see you like this, Sarah. You need to pull
yourself out of this…despair! You need to, okay? You need to be stronger. If not today then someday..soon.” a flustered Aisha gasped.
Sarah could hardly hear anything. She was lost in her own world of agony and seething grief. It consumed her and yet comforted her in a weird way. Sarah met Rishav in college. It hardly took a few glances and a couple of coffee dates to fall in love with each other. They wanted to get married soon, but fate seemed to have played its cards not quite to Sarah’s liking. Tears rolled down her eyes
when she realized that Aisha was staring back at her. She had obliterated her presence for a fleeting few seconds.
“Sarah?” “Yeah”
“Listen, I am sorry for you and this is one of the worst things that had happened to you. Rishav was the best we had. He was—”
“—It was not your fault. It was nobody’s fault. It was just an accident.” Sarah slumped on the bed. “I wish I hadn’t fought with him. I wish I had told him how much he meant to me.”
“Sarah, he knew how much you loved him and he would always say that.” “Did he?”
“Yeah”, Aisha smiled and nodded.
That was the best thing Sarah had heard in days. The satisfaction that the thought brought, was worth a million teardrops expelled. She has been punishing herself for days and living every breath in regret. Knowing that he truly loved her back, took off some of the pressure. She knew it was stupid, now that she can never have him, but then to know someone who had loved you just the way you love him, is an unworldly feeling.
“Promise me you will be okay.”
“I will try”, replied Sarah, wiping the tears of her face.
As soon as Aisha walked out of the room, Sarah’s mom accosted her. “Aisha beta, did you tell her?’’
“Aunty, she is very upset. I could hardly speak about anything that could take her mind off all the pain.”
“Beta, she has a life. We are not her enemies. She would not listen to us or talk to anyone. This guy is from the U.S. They are well-off, and she will be happy.”
“Aunty, I know.. but she is not ready. Give her some time. She has promised me she would snap out of this zone.”
“Okay beta, thank you.”
Sarah smiled when she saw Aisha leave their apartment. Every day, Aisha would come down to check on her best friend. There were times when she felt sorry for her. There were days when they would sit quietly in a room without talking to each other. She looked
outside the window and remembered what Aisha had just said.
Be strong, she would tell herself and the very next moment cover her face to hide those slithering drops of grief flowing down her eyes.
That night when the clock struck 12, Sarah’s phone buzzed. She swiped the screen and the message read—
Meet me around 6 in the evening at the bakery coffee shop – Rishav.
She stared blankly at the text and blinked twice. If this was some kind of pathetic prank by her friends then this was going to be the last time she spoke to them. She quickly checked the number
Written by Poonam Chatterjee
I am the 27 -year-old budding author, pet lover, and foodie. From a tender age of ten, I found my calling in the written word and since then, has been scribbling away my unconventional ideas, sometimes in the last pages of notebooks and sometimes on online blogs. Writing gives me happiness like no other thing.
Week 4, January 2021
