When someone asks me what I truly want in life, I reply with one statement only ‘for those around me to be happy, comfortable and at peace’. I never realised that this meant that I only live for others. What I give myself are material gifts, to satiate my brain. But what of my soul?
Just like me, I am sure there are a million other people on this planet, that would move the ends of the Earth to make someone happy; whether it is your parents, siblings, a significant other, or just a very close friend. Of course, at the end of it all, the smile on their faces is all you want to see. But somewhere along the way, we get tired, weary, rash and annoyed by how much we do. Because if we truly love them and want to do something with them, it should be without expectation. The word here is ‘unconditional’. But we are, after all, small, simple, meandering human beings. Looking for love in all the wrong places, and in all the wrong ways. Deciphering as we go, how to truly accept love, and more than anything, recognize it.
On the one hand we try to be Superman (woman) for most of the people in our lives. But, on the other hand, we complain about how no one is our superhuman. We cannot make people happy, if we ourselves are unhappy, right? This calls for an internal questioning: do I really want to be superhuman? Or did I just get stuck in this position? It starts with the first task/request you complied with, and seeing a smile made you lighten up from inside to the point, that you would do anything to see a smile on someone’s face again. Most people call this selflessness. Sometimes we do not willingly become selfless; sometimes it is just a title given to those that are committed to doing some activities, because the other person is used to receiving such help, pampering and aid.
My point here is, whether you are superhuman for someone, and whether it is willingly or not, we all must learn to be unexpecting, in our nature. It is an easier way of life. It is purely selfless behavior, and a simple life to lead when our aim is only to see other people happy. The greedy nature comes forth when we expect something in return. It is a vicious cycle, but there are ways to overcome it. Some key things to remember:
- I am doing this to make my heart happy.
- I am doing this for you to feel better.
- The universe will reward me for my selflessness in its own way.
- I will learn to play a balancing act between helping and slaving.
These affirmations will take you a long way. Albeit, it will be hard at first. Every muscle in your body will say no, I want ‘this’ or ‘that’ in return. But your soul will soon flutter at the happiness it sees. Expectations kill our minds, our hearts. We feel broken when our actions are not reciprocated.
Life is a topsy turvy experience. It is a rollercoaster of emotions, of actions, of reactions and their consequences. How we handle them, is what defines how well we sustain our lives. For example, I see teenagers running about with gaming consoles, iPhones and tablets, all the time in cafes and restaurants. When we were teenagers, we were forced to engage in sports, in evening playtime in the compounds and a boatload of cycling. As times change, so do our mindsets. But the essence of both these activities is the same; all we look for is simply some fun and downtime.
There are two sides to every situation. One person would say ‘I did so much for you, but you’re still leaving me’, and the escaper simply can reply with ‘Yes, you did, but did you ever ask me if that’s what I want?’. Two sides to a coin, two sides to a story, two sides to everyone’s personalities. We will never know what someone wants, unless we ask them or hear them mention it. Not material wants and needs, I am talking about what their hearts desire.
A wife could want her husband to come home in time and enjoy a meal with her, despite all that she does for him. He, on the other hand, could be coming home late because he stopped over to fetch a diamond necklace for her. Who wins here? Life is a kaleidoscope; a way to see gestures. Harmony is attained by a certain level of compromise. At the end of the day, the husband and wife both want to look superhuman in the other’s eyes. But who really achieved it?
This simply translates, at the very end, as ‘do as you will for someone, but without any expectations in return’. God made us how we are, blessed us with the abundance we so freely share, and with a heart the size of a mountain, that we only give and give. So don’t shame an all-binding being, by having a mind so little; by expecting a reaction that only pleases you. A smile for one person, is the world to another. Everyone reacts in a certain way, shows love in their own unique way and offers gratitude in a multitude of ways.
So don’t ever say you didn’t choose the superhero life. You did. And be proud that you did. Hold your head high, because at the end of the day, all you want is for the person standing before you to smile, to feel good, to be happy and to love life. The superhero life didn’t choose you after all. So shine bright, every day!
Written By Anisha Masand
Week 44, October ’20
