The Art of Getting By

I’ve been unable to think properly for some days now, don’t know if it’s another phase of staying locked at home or just mind fatigue. Anyway, I found myself asking each one at my home, about something we usually avert in conversations, hatred! about vengeance if they’ve felt it, if yes, does it still bother them. Because I read somewhere, what you don’t heal, your children inherit. For starters, I was disappointed, yet relieved to hear my father confess that there have been instances of hate but never to a degree, that made him vindictive or carry grudges throughout. My mom took this chance to reassure me how much she loved us and quoted, ” for you a thousand times over” from the story, I told her( hehe).

While reading the kite runner, I was again met with a mix of inexplicable emotions, about Amir & Hassan, their complex bond unwinding through plot twists. As they grew, under the same sky but dreams and experiences wide apart. when life plays out in unexpected ways, all of us become pawns of fate, somewhere as Amir’s Kite looked upon from heights, Hassan’s came crumbling down. Amir let down his one true friend, Baba lost his son, and it wasn’t just one who bore the brunt. Things weren’t the same again, and I still couldn’t figure whom to empathize with. But as Rahim khan would have said ” there is a way to be good again ”, for redemption, there always will.

As a human, we can be hateful, mean and unreasonable sometimes obsessing over the silliest of things and people. After all, what’s love without hate, who learns to walk without a few falls right. In our life too, there is not much we can do, to hurt someone without burning out ourselves, but a zillion ways to show how much you love someone. I’ve caught myself love seamlessly, as much I can hate without fail. Eventually, you forget, every damn thing, like nothing matters for now, just before you doze off. Or perhaps even give a warm smile to your problems unknowingly, just for split seconds before that ego kicks in.

Saying this I just remembered how we zone out and end up texting people with whom we fought hours ago or smile seeing happy faces forgetting all the built-up rage and giving up the pressure of carrying it all the time. When u feel the trial is ending, things get foggy, you unknowingly end up hurting people, sometimes even the ones you love. Let it go na… its just life-giving you another chance to redo things, this time a little different, with a little more care and even more zing, so the catch is I guess, to pause whenever you need, but to continue.

Laying motionless on a cold dark night in bed contemplating, can bring back a lot of your deeds in the loop on rewind. But none involving your dark side will bring you peace. the very few instances wrapped in care, brimming with joy, which you conveniently left behind in this rat race would bring your cold numb heart a little warmth. You know that don’t you, but then why do you still let bonds shatter over a call, let unimportant cues steal your thunder, recklessly decide to ruin your day for someone who may not even remember you, when all that matters at the end of the day is if someone’s got your back and vice versa.

Written by Deva Priya

I am Deva from Thrissur, Kerala. The tiny nuances of everyday life excite me and I weave stories from them. You’ll find me close to the sea.