You’ve been inspired to take charge of your future. You’re taking the bull by the horns. You’re ready to quit your job and go on an adventure to discover your destiny. What could possibly go wrong?
Nothing and everything.
There’s a world of difference between leaping off a cliff with no safety net, expecting the Universe to catch your fall and having the courage to follow your dreams knowing that the Universe is a friendly place that supports all of life including you. In this article, I’m exploring the pitfalls of impulsive decisions based on magical thinking and the benefits of empowered action from a growth mindset.
Leaping blindly is reckless and the danger is there’s a 50/50 chance you’ll land on to hard ground with a thud and get some bruises. That’s the Universe’s way of saying in no uncertain terms, look before you leap. Even if you do land on a soft cushion, this way of operating means you’re bound to crash sooner or later. The bigger your leap, the harder you’ll crash. Reaching our potential is all about playing our biggest game. This way of operating keeps us going in the same overall loop with different details.
Taking courageous action with your eyes wide open on the other hand, requires clarity of vision, consistent action and a long-term commitment to the journey. It’s the marathon training you’ve willingly signed up for knowing all that’s going to be required of you to make it. There are no false expectations about instant results, easy rides or being saved. You’re starting where you are, which is at the beginning, ready to grow into the successful version of yourself. The responsibility is only yours and you empower yourself to get the support and guidance you need to bridge the gaps.
Does this mean that you need to have it all figured out from the get-go?
Not at all. In fact, that’s the other trap that keeps us in a cycle of overthinking and over cautiousness. Like the eternal student, taking no real action becomes a comfort zone and eventually limits our potential. Excessive planning and perfectionism is a defence mechanism that comes from a fear of failure.
While acting impulsively can be exciting and fires up our imagination, it is similar to the adventure in a fairy tale where the damsel lands herself in distress and a knight in shining armour shows up to save the day. It ends up reinforcing the story of our helplessness to succeed without a crisis and a saviour. Curiously, we might find ourselves playing the role of savior for others in our life who are less able. The weird thing is that instead of feelings of gratitude and happiness as you might expect, there’s drama, resentment and powerlessness. The relief we get from taking impulsive action is usually temporary. Soon, the new situation we create ends up being remarkably similar to the one we were trying to escape. It’s why people who have been married several times find themselves in the same old relationship with a brand new partner. Although we think that we are starting again from scratch, the hidden patterns driving our behaviour are still alive and kicking and they are creating our experience of reality. Until we discover and transform them, changing our circumstances is at best a distraction, fun in the short term but not effective.
I speak of this from personal experience. I quit my successful job in furniture retail because I felt that I couldn’t go any further in it with the idea of taking a break and starting my own gig. I was done with the daily grind of the commute and resented being stuck indoors on Saturdays especially when the weather was good. Apart from this, I had no clear idea of what I was going to do or how I was going to get there. I was fumbling in the dark. Ten years and two children later, I was no closer to realizing my dream and doubtful of my ability to succeed. In the absence of a clear vision, grounded plan and growth mindset, life took over and my passion to create something of my own took a convenient backseat. Several botched attempts later I started to realise that the real blocks to my success are not out there in the people and circumstances that I keep trying to change, but hidden in my blind spot. The nature of these blocks is that they are invisible but self-perpetuating, which means that even though I’m not aware of them, they keep gathering evidence for themselves. The pain and frustration that we feel from being blocked is very real. It can feel like we are doomed to keep repeating the same fate instead of the expansive potential that we can sense. The hidden blocks disconnect us from our deeper desires, wisdom and creative energy by creating a wall of impossibility around them. Every time we attempt to change our external situation from a place of powerlessness, we land up in more of the same. We make big decisions from a confused and contracted place and try to reach our goals with unrealistic strategies. Jumping recklessly is an example of this. Excitement at the thought of a new start colours our capacity to see all the facts clearly and the disadvantages become apparent later once the dust has settled. In a bid to get ahead of ourselves, we lose sight of where we actually are until reality hits with a bang.
So, what’s the antidote? How do we take empowered action towards our potential?
Pause and pay attention to any mixed feelings, underlying stress or general fogginess. Work through them instead of trying to push past or letting them hold you back. Taking the time to get clear on your vision, goals and gaps can save you a lot of time, energy, money and heartache in the long run and set you up for real success. Like a tree, firmly rooted in the ground and supported by a solid trunk, you can reach for the stars steadily one branch at a time. Starting a new venture, like nurturing a baby is a project that requires dedication, consistent effort and resources. Treat it like an adventure in unknown territory and approach it without any misconceptions of instant results or expectations of a bump free ride. Imagine that you’re making a long road trip. Before you set off on a fast motorway, you’d want to make sure that you have a good handle on driving skills, your car is roadworthy, you’ve got enough fuel and have a good idea of the direction where you’re headed.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help you take a reality check with your decision. Take some quiet time and breathe into your belly. Connect with your inner knowing and go through the questions one at a time. Be open and curious, avoid trying to force anything. Slow down to listen for the answers instead of trying to think your way there. Journal your insights. You’ll start to distinguish between the fast, stressful and confused stream of thoughts and the slower, measured and grounded voice of wisdom.
- Am I taking unnecessary risks to avoid dealing with challenges which may be an opportunity for growth?
- Am I rushing into something new to escape boredom or something I dislike?
- Do I have a clear vision of where I’m going?
- What is my specific and measurable outcome for the next 3-6 months that I’m taking practical steps towards?
- What are the gaps and the growth that I need to make?
- What have I already got going for me and what areas need more work?
- What support and guidance do I need to generate clarity, troubleshoot obstacles and keep myself inspired and accountable?
- What challenges am I likely to face and how can I prepare for them?
Maybe, you already took the leap or got pushed off the cliff. It’s challenging to stay on track on your own and far too easy to start coasting, fall into inertia or get lost in the land of daydreams. Making progress on bringing your vision from dream into reality requires clarity and taking real, consistent, practical action steps. A support structure that provides reflection of your potential and accountability is essential to help you stay inspired and reach the final destination.
Success is about creating desirable outcomes for ourselves. What matters most here is that we’re making the best choices that we possibly can by harnessing all of our experience and resources. That way we have a full tank, the engine is in the correct gear, the satnav is heading true north and we can enjoy the ride. We start to experience the joy and aliveness which comes from unlocking our potential.
To find out more about Transformational Coaching and working with Monika, visit www.monikavijh.com
Written by Monika Vijh
Monika Vijh is a transformational coach and facilitator. Her mission is to support individuals and groups to break free from stagnation and embrace the aliveness within them to create a life they love waking up to. Monika grew up in India and trained as an architect. Her life experiences led her to discover the calling for deeper connections. She has two children and lives in the UK at the edge of a forest.
Week 18, May 2021
