Nurture your child through you

Do you ever want to just run away and start over? Wipe the slate clean. Begin all over again with a blank canvas? Let me assure you that it is alright to feel this way on certain days. We all have had gloomy days and have felt this sometimes. It does not imply that you do not love your life or the people in it. It does not mean that you would not give your last breath to see them happy. As said by the famous novelist Lang Leav; Sometimes the need to be selfish arises when you have been selfless for too long.

For years I have seen you hiding.

As a matter of fact, you may have just perfected the art of hiding.

I realized how you hid the smallest and hard truths of life from us. To make everyone believe that you had it all together. You wanted to convince us that you had everything: a perfect marriage, two perfect kids, and a loving family. But amidst this attempt to perfection, you forgot yourself.

In the journey of motherhood, you thought, it is all about giving away every inch of you and not taking back a bit. Eventually, you lost every inch of yourself in the cacophony of ”I can do this ”, ”it’s ok ” and so on. Somewhere you blamed the world for failing to understand you and your acts, while you plunged further.

Did you assume that sacrificing your wants, desires, and dreams would make you noble? You taught us to stand tall and fight for ourselves but never did we see you fight for yourself. Or chase after your long-lost dreams.

I have keenly listened to all your childhood tales, and today when I look back I realize that I had been living your passion for years. My interests in books, sketching, and dancing classes were all once your passion and dreams.

I am not living in denial, you are the strongest woman in the world. But then, motherhood is not defined by giving up your wants and desires. I have yearned to hear your carefree laugh, the one where you would push your boundaries and share all your desires with me. I don’t want you to hide anymore. I want you to be known for yourself and beyond motherhood.

I want you to read your favorite book, listen to your favorite songs, and treat yourself to your favorite dish because tonight I want you to know that you have done more than enough for us. Today onwards, I want you to know that as your child nothing is more fulfilling than you realizing your value. The fact that you are enough and to me, you are the epitome of love and perfection. Here’s a reminder to all the mothers :

Start with yourself. Focus on your health. A caring parent would make sure they eat right and get plenty of rest, sleep, fresh air, and exercise. Keep yourself healthy and fit. Practising self-care is an essential part of this process.
Simply pamper yourself – because you deserve it: Get into the habit of doing special things for yourself. Treat yourself with a warm cup of tea with the same nurturing energy that you’d have if this was for a loved one. Relax at a spa day, get a massage or draw yourself a bath with special salts. Make yourself a candlelight dinner and a delicious meal with all your favorite foods. Coddle yourself. Allow yourself to feel loved.
Be kind to yourself- This is one thing a lot of people miss out on. One way to preach self-love to your child is by practising it. Children often learn by imitating their parents. Hence, it is essential to practice self-love regularly.
Set healthy boundaries- Let people know what you want and do not want. Tell them what is alright for you and what is not. For instance, if you do not like wasting time and a friend has you waiting, let them know how you feel. Communicate your feelings and do not let people overstep your boundaries.
Be your own advocate- If someone is disrespectful to you, speak up. Protect yourself from negativity and other people’s hostility. Self-protection comes with self-worth. Know your worth and do not let others take you for granted.
Believe in yourself- Most importantly, have faith in what you do.

Don’t find excuses and hide behind the laundry, dishwasher, and dirty bedsheets. Be the hero of your life.

As your child, nothing would fill me with more joy than to see you live the life you once dreamt of. I promise to live up to everything you have dreamt for me and more. Until then, I promise to return your calls and your good morning texts.

Written by Poonam Chatterjee

Week 39 October 2021