Reflections of the morning gone by
The sun is rather strong. I squint my eyes and heave myself from my comfortable perch. Leaning forward to draw the curtains I spill my cold brew. Curtains drawn and annoyed with myself I clean up the mess. The ice had all melted and the mess was harder to clean than I expected. My ten past two snooze had been disturbed. It was nearly three pm. Should I get a glass of wine or some single malt? The still sleepy brain is struggling to process. It has been rusting in these days of stillness. It does not piece together the moment easily.
I settled back into my seat. Reflecting on the day so far. There was a call at ten am with the marketing team. The conversation seemed rather disconnected from reality. Some inane jokes from my colleagues. I was a bit exhausted having just finished a nearly fifty-minute cardio work out. It was a relief that this was an e-meeting and not in our conference room. I could now appreciate the power of technology. I was sweaty and tired. At my end I had blocked the video view. Could not have the others see me like this. But I could not concentrate and was frustrated by the direction the discussions were taking. I muted myself and sat back to just listen. With sincere gratitude and no real progress, I left the meeting at half past ten.
The morning had started rather early at seven am. I had been restless through the night. Tossing and turning. Felt like short naps with a connected dream. It was eerie how the dream continued through my naps. Very distinct and clear. The memory of it was still fresh. I was walking through the forest. Scared and lost. It was dusk. The silhouettes of the trees against the swathes of mustard in the sky were stark and stunning. After walking for what seemed like hours, I reached a clearing with the most placid lake in front of me. There were these little teepees set up along the lake shore and a fire burning in the centre. The place felt peaceful and yet I did not feel safe. Suddenly from the corner of my eye I could see something charging towards me. Try as I might I was unable to make out what it was. My thoughts were racing and so was my heart. I woke up with a start and a tremble. Beads of sweat racing down the side of my face.
I was visibly shaken, and it took me a while to collect my wits and dismiss the dream. There was a lot to read and my workout to fit in before my ten am call. The dream was soon set aside as the real took over.
Straight after my ten am meeting I jumped into the shower. It was peak summer and even the cold water was warm. But it felt good. Relaxed the muscles. Took away some of the tension from the lack of sleep. Time was tight. The shower had to be kept sensibly brief. Short yet enjoyable.
Soon I was back at my home desk preparing for my next e-meeting. Honestly, I am still not comfortable with the e-meeting idea. I would rather meet face-to-face. I am old school in that sense. But I am adapting. Learning to cope with the change. I had to be sharper and more prepared for the twelve-noon meeting. It was about the financial challenges we are facing. There was a good exchange of positive ideas. I left the meeting feeling good and yet a bit tired again as it went on for about forty-five minutes.
Lunch was a hastily put together sandwich — toasted sour dough bread with tomatoes and parmesan cheese. The yumminess enhanced by a generous layer of butter. The making was hasty but the eating was slow and relaxed. I savoured the sandwich whilst looking out at the bay from my window. The tide was out, and the black rocks were shining in the glorious sunlight. Some more of the tension leaving my being as my eyes feasted on the grand view.
Just as I was near finishing my cold brew with deep dark chocolate notes, I fell into my ten past two slumber, being exhausted mostly due to the lack of sleep at night.
It was an easy morning with some minimal learnings. Not much of note. Not too much stress. And limited possibilities of moving forward. We were pretty much resigned to our fate. With no clarity on how long things will stay this way. Definitely time for some red wine I thought. Not much to do for the rest of the day. With much heaving I pulled myself out of my inertia and walked across to the wine rack. A medium bodied shiraz is just what the rest of the day needed.
As I sipped my wine, the limited possibilities began to vanish, and new ideas were flowing. And I thought to myself even in these closeted times we have infinite thoughts to explore and build on.
Written By Mohit Gupta
Week 45, November ‘20
