Relationships. We need them. We want them. But often we neglect them. Somewhere in our thinking we perhaps feel that they must fall in place naturally. Perhaps they really should. Although I strongly feel that relationships must be nurtured and in my view that secret sauce is love and respect. Building up a relationship based on love and respect is not an easy task. These are the two vital pillars of every relationship. Also, the two words are related to each other. The existence of one is impossible if the other one remains absent.
Respect is considered the primary element of love. For every healthy relationship, respect is the most necessary element. Respect is basically being aware of the fact that the person, whom you are loving, is a separate person with their own values and characteristics.
Here, I am exploring six elements of healthy relationships.
Trust
Trust is the first element of every romantic and non-romantic relationship. Trust is not only about whether the other person will cheat you or not. Trust also includes giving space. It implies that you have that trust and that you respect the other one’s actions and abilities. The moment doubt creeps in trust can go out of the window. So, most important to be transparent as far as possible and not allow any niggling doubts to creep in.
Communication
Communication is one of the most important and the hardest element of building up a healthy relationship. You have to be patient, honest, and open while communicating with the other person. Your romantic or non-romantic partner is not supposed to be your mind reader. That is why being open is always important in a relationship. Communication in an accusatory way is always harmful to a healthy relationship. Best to discuss any issues that are bothering you in a respectful manner.
Reliability
Most emphatically reliability is critical in each and every relationship. To hold a strong relationship you have to be the one who can be relied on blindly in any situation. For this, the first thing you need to be is honest. Your honesty will act as a parameter of reliability. In any romantic or non-romantic relationship, the other one’s emotional energy flaunts over you. So, you have to make yourself deserving of that responsibility.
Time Balance
In any relationship, giving time is a very important task. Human beings are social animals. So, a person always has to maintain a lot of relations in the family, amongst friend, or in the workspace. Giving time to each of them is important. But you need to prioritize them. You have to schedule how much time you will indulge for each of them, according to your priority. Also, you have to make sure that your schedule is not clashing with the other person’s schedule. Do ensure that the other person is happy to spend time with you. Check on their availability and their plans for their time.
Appreciation of Differences
Any two persons in this world are different from each other. So, it is a natural fact that you and the other person, with whom you have a bond, will have some differences. The differences may be behavioural, ideological, or habitual. But respect towards differences of each other is important in any relationship. You need to appreciate the differences that exist between all the people around you. As a result, the people you love being with must clearly get the message that you are not expecting them to change in any way to be with you. This message communicated by your verbal and non-verbal cues will be a great way to show respect for them. Also, in return, your respect in their eyes will always remain high.
Love for yourself
Whenever you are going to build up a relationship, you are going to know a person more and more every day. The more you know a person, the more you explore yourself. You get to know how sympathetic you are towards other people’s problems and critical situations. It also shows you how responsible you are. So, you need to love yourself first, if you want to love another person. In today’s context and loving and caring for yourself are very critical in itself.
Let us now explore some specific relations.
Parent-Child Relation: Mutual respect is the basic building block of a relationship between parent and child. To bring up a child, one needs to understand the child. Also, to be guided properly by the parents, a child needs to understand the parents. Now, to understand someone, having respect for the person is always necessary.
Friendship: According to psychologists, the parameter of friendship is empathy. Empathy is simply defined as the ability to understand and explain the feelings and thoughts of others. But the duty of a true and generous friend does not end here. A friend needs moral support. A friend in need is a friend indeed. This old idiom reflects the importance of trust and dependability in a friendship.
Romantic Relation: ‘Respect’, ‘love’, ‘trust’, and ‘space’ are four pillars of a romantic relationship. For any romantic relationship, you have to be understanding towards your partner. Proper communication without affecting space defines two different people getting together. Listening to your partner is as important as telling something to your partner. Sharing ideas and respecting differences keep the bond strong. Communicate. Do not wait for your partner to read your mind. Stay connected. Keep coming up with new ideas to keep the spark alive. Express your love. Say “I love you” as often as you want to and mean it when you say it.
My suggestion is that you focus on every relationship that is important to you and along with the love you express ensure that you communicate respect for the other person too. It is not an easy task to maintain relationships well. That is why we can see a lot of relations breaking apart. But if you carefully nurture the connections with the people in your life, you will definitely experience the joys of rock-solid relationships.
Written By Poonam Chatterjee
Week 8, February 2021
