My small cup of tea offers me satisfaction, a kick start for my day. Yet another day to feel normal and happy about being able to live and love what I have. This was not same throughout the life especially childhood which was not “the childhood” that everyone pictures it. This was quite different despite the games that I have played were related to inappropriate touching and things that I could not speak to anyone. Well obviously, I could have told my mother, but the problem was, I was very little to be able to speak and with time I aged, it was a part of my routine. So yes! Quite a long time. But that’s not the scary part of the story. The present is scarier.
Remember! When you woke up with a horrible dream sometimes, well it’s just a bit different for me for years now and that is, every morning is the same as your that one. The traumatic event of life makes unerasable memories to your mind and my story is no different. I had been suffering from mental instability, insecurity, anxiety, and fear. Even I am afraid of men! So yes, satisfaction is indeed a great deal for me.
I am 25 years old, a woman who has always wondered why I can’t think normally as others do? Why my happiness and sadness, all emotions are so Heightened? Why most of the time I feel dramatic and filled with meaningless thoughts of people chasing me? And the most annoying question is why I get weird people in my life? Am I some kind of magnet who attracts bad people and repels good ones? because I lack the most important skill of making Friends?
But this is not what I chose my life to be. Since college I had the Passion to understand what is wrong with me and with God’s grace, I choose Psychology as a subject. Psychology is just not a subject for me! It is the way out of my scarry self, it is something that managed to keep me sane till all these years, and most importantly it taught me how to switch sides to a better self.
I had studied psychology for the past 6 years, not as my major but by myself, I hold a basic degree in psychology, certificate courses, and my research which is still a long way to go. The way that has made me what I am today. I am a healer. With the journey of traumatic events and solitude I have developed a positive side of myself that intends to release positivity to the people I talk to, I have joined various institutions to provide foster care and counselling support to those who have traumatic life events like me and more severe! But someone has truly said “Life struggles are tough for those who lived it and easy for those who have just listened”
My passion has given me the strength to attain a powerful attribute of empathy and self-attainment. I intend to help those who are suffering inside their body and their battle is never-ending. The side where one cannot tell anybody about what the real struggle is? Sometimes they are themselves devoid of the reasoning to feel in a certain way. I intend to help anyone out there, to keep that pace, and to make them connect to themself and heal the mental scars that have left them to wane in the corner of the room.
Mental instability can be difficult and life-threatening, it’s worst on insomniac nights and even though when you have no one to talk to, no one whom you can trust, will be able to understand.
Trust me! I have been at that place and now that I have worked on my resilience, not all days are the same. Difficulties still exist but I know I have a passion, a power to fight back. And everyone could have that. Learn to fight for yourself, no matter how much reason you have to hate your existence. Stand Up! And find out what entices your soul to be free and forgetful to the lemons that life has given you. Find out the way to squeeze the s*** out of them and start to Live out for yourself.
Written by Akanksha Saviraj
My name is AKANKSHA, means “Desire” and I have A lot of them. I belong to Jaipur, Rajasthan but my love is Varanasi, where I have studied and found myself. I am an all-time learner, an enthusiastic nature lover. My passion is writing and learning psychology. My personality incorporates a blend of kindness and positivity. My versatility witnesses my interest in almost every field, I have immense gratitude for being a woman. I love being a woman, I embrace my womanhood and cherish this life for being a creator.
Week 22, June 2021
