Yesterday I was full of despair. And today I feel joy. Pure joy. Is that not strange? I want to explore why I feel joy today. How did that transition happen from despair to joy? Very hard to explain. But let me try….
We are just strange creatures. It is very hard to explain why we feel how we feel at times. Today is just like that. I don’t know why, but I feel joyous. My soul feels sprightly. Full of zest. I want to do more.
I know we are in lock-down and our freedom has been knocked out. But I can still feel the benefits of being where we are. Life is standing still. That is something I had longed for. The worries are still around, as the economy is tanking. Today, for today, they are not engulfing my being. They are not knocking me out. Today I feel the joy. The joy of quietude. Of just being. Of feeling the joy. I know I am rambling. Though this is happy rambling.
Joy is different things for different people — the smell of freshly brewed coffee, raindrops, water at that just perfect temperature, a good read, just the right song, a smile from a stranger, the sound of the waves, a hug, the melting chocolate on the tongue. The list is endless.
A drive in the hills long long ago comes to mind. We were staying the night at my fathers home in the hills near Mumbai. Close to midnight we decided to go out for a drive. It turned out to be a longish drive. We drove further up into the nearby hills. At one point I decided to pull over. There was no other car on the road. We turned off all the lights of the car and lay down on the boot. The night sky was stunning, the stars were shining bright. Shining just for us. Filling our beings with pure joy. There being no ambient light it was clear clear night. Not a single cloud to block our vision. We have never seen such a beautiful sky ever since then. Every time I think of that night I am filled with joy.
It might be because it is Sunday today. Sundays are special. The sunshine on Sunday is always soothing. Relaxing. Rejuvenating. The silence today does not feel deafening. The breeze is gentle and soothing. My senses feel awakened and charged. I can feel joy.
I am sitting at my desk and can see swathes of green from my window. Green that soothes. The mass of concrete in my vision is camouflaged by the green. I can hear the birds. There is joy in watching the trees gently sway. The coconuts, the yellow and pink frangipani, the Indian Lilac (commonly known as the neem tree, Genus — Azadirachta), the Ashoka tree, and the many more trees that I cannot recognize look elegant and grand. I am especially chuffed about the neem tree. I planted that eleven years ago when I moved to this house. There is a great sense of pride for me to see that tree not only survive but thrive. This tree has many a benefit, a discussion of which will need a separate blog. I just feel blessed that it is around us.
There was motivation today to work on my beard. I made the effort most willingly and not grudgingly to do a clean-up. And my wife exclaimed as she saw my look — ‘I have a new boyfriend!!’. That made me happy. Very happy. It is always the little things… Ain’t it?
Week 14, March ’20
