Society, hierarchy, casteism, sexism; seasoned with our worshipped concept of patriarchy. Where the man of the family (only just by word, most times not by act) decides the fate of those under him; especially the daughters (in-law too), sisters and wives. A glorified perpetuation of the Brahminical system of superiority in our lives – till date, I will never respect a brahmin who enters my home, conducts religious rites, and asks for money, clothes and every other materialistic provision as a mark of (it took me a while to remember the word) gratitude (dakshina).
Be patient with me. I am getting to a point. Earlier, we had the caste system – the Brahmins, the Kshatriyas, Vaishyas & Shudras. In this, the superiority of the Brahmin man caused the rest of the castes to be ill-treated. But my only question remains, what can prove that God made the caste-system? Now, a caste-system can only survive, when there is a strong and weak side. Some call me naïve, others call me ignorant, but I do believe in equality. Shoot me, for all I care. Human here, human there; equals everywhere.
So, this brings me to, (remove the concept of Brahmin for now) man is superior in society. Whether it is a simple task like driving, lifting some weight, gaining employment or getting married: the man is supreme, he is the only consideration. Women do not deserve what men deserve; in my mind, this plays differently, but you know how society thinks. Simple examples laid out for you:
- A sales job; people think men have more energy to run about. Why?
- A home, where women only wash and clean, while the man is out gallivanting. Why?
- A temple, where women on their menstrual cycle are not allowed to enter, but men of any age, health, shaved or not, clean or not, are allowed. Why?
- A rape; the woman was asking for it, but the man wasn’t wrong in violating her?
It makes you think, doesn’t it? I have a friend, my best-friend. She comes from a family where children are taught to be free with their thoughts and expressions, while still knowing their limits and where to draw the line, without fear. To learn to be self-respecting and just at the same time. To never shy away from being vocal about their thoughts when they see any kind of ill-treatment in front of their eyes.
Why should children not be brought up to have independent thoughts, opinions and decisions of their own? After all, this is what we bring children into the world for. To be people of their own accord. Influenced, but yet, not controlled by their parents.
India is known as the ‘dowry death’ capital of the world. Do we like being known with this name? Today, I am sure, only 2 out of every 5 men, will refuse to accept dowry as a mark of traditional duty. I long for the day, it will be all 5 of them respecting women as equals. We come from a land where cows are worshipped as Mother, and Durga is worshipped for being all-superior and killer of evil men. But what is our country really doing for it? Oh yes, we have some saviours, no? Our laws.
A Supreme Court judge justifies marital rape as frustration of unemployed men, and how it should be allowed and not considered wrong by the wives. Why, I ask, is this allowed? In such a case, women should begin to castrate every walking man, because she is frustrated with cooking and cleaning for them, and then being violated by them. Would that be okay? I do hope that men of today, and the future, will be brought up to look at women with the same equality as they do their fellow brothers and friends.
I come from a family where my grandfather tried his best to control his sons. However, luckily for us, my father stood up to his, and made a life for himself and us, from the ground up. My mother, a strong individual, with two daughters, was expected to try again, for maybe the third time, we may have a son in the house. She refused, and said that her two daughters will be more to her than any son would be. And that we sure are!
We are surrounded by forms of patriarchy; whether it is at a nearby store where we are looked upon as fresh meat, or in a temple, where we are expected to show gratitude to male priests because they are men of God, or at Government offices where men are all supreme and a bribe is the only thing that gets you any further with your tasks; or even in our homes, where sons and brothers are conditioned to believe that they are the next big thing after their dads in the house.
Before we begin to judge only India harshly, this is a regular occurrence in most countries. Take into account the movie Bombshell, released last year, and shook women awake. Who would think multi-million-dollar news channels would hire female journalists and TV anchors based on how their legs looked in a dress? Tsk. I’d like to see how your manhood feels taunted when a strong woman comes forth to put you in your place, that’s what I’d like to see. I’d like to see women stand up for themselves – whether it is in a village where men come home to beat their wives because they can’t talk back to a supervisor, in a teir-1 city where a daughter wants to study further and not marry, in a temple, where God never said don’t enter on your period (trust me, the Gurudwara always welcomed me), or in a well-settled company where a woman deserves a certain promotions and fights with all her might for it. No tears, is what I want to see. All smiles, victorious ones!
I know India can do it, because when we saw the Nirbhaya Case, we saw women protesting left-right-and-centre. And in 2020 too, when a Dalit girl was heavily violated because of her ‘lower caste’. Pardon my language, but who the fuck gives one a right to say another is of a lower cadre than him? No one. It is a void right. It should not exist.
So, I will not cloak my words, but as I look back on 2020, and all the times and incidents where superiority was shut down by humanity (a little late of course, but later is better than never), I have faith that we can rise from this. God made us all equal, so we are no one to decide who is high and who is low. It is your own dreamland, if you think you are better than someone else. We’re all fighting battles, we’re all dealing with situations, we all have stress. No man is allowed to put a woman down, and no millionaire has a right to step on a poor man – because happiness means differently to us all.
And more than anything, to end this absolute blowout against patriarchy, I will tell you this. A millionaire will never know what to do without money, but a poor man will. Similarly, a man will never know how to do a woman’s job, because women still do everything men can, but very few men are able to run their houses for a day, let alone a lifetime. Be thankful for the women in your lives, because my friend, you wouldn’t exist without them!
Written by Anisha Masand
Week 44, October ‘20
