This is a trick question. I will tell you why. Because happiness is just as much as you perceive it to be. I could be in a Mercedes, but sad. Someone on the outside would think I am so happy that I drive an amazing car. On the other hand, I could be on the beach, catching some sun, eating junk food. According to me, I am happy, satisfied, content and at peace. For a passerby, junk food may be the weapon of depression.
So, happiness is just as much happiness we believe it to be. Nighttime is usually a reminder for me. To ponder over my achievements, my sacrifices, my action for the future. More often than not, it is past midnight when I sit to write. The only time I have to myself. No commitments, no responsibilities and no socialising. My ‘Me Time’. So while I sit and write this article, there are thoughts in the back of mind about what truly makes me happy. What is my source of happiness?
Most times, it is tea time with my mom, planning jaunts with my bestfriends and the evening banter with my father and sister. It is the nights that I get to cook dinner for my closest people. The cocktail hour in a friend’s house, that ends up going until the middle of the night. All these moments of happiness revolved around people. My people, my tribe. Happiness, for me, is about having my people around. It could be anywhere. As long as I have them; life is good.
But then, when your happiness depends on people, there is always a day that comes when you question yourself. I have those nights too. Sitting on the couch at 1AM, wondering where I go wrong when I have fights. Did I try too hard, and not get back what I expected? Was I wrong in expecting the same feeling in return? Have I lost the clarity to make the right choices?
We are human. We have our good days and our bad days. When we are happy, we pray that this feeling never ends. And when we are down, in the pit, we wonder whether happiness was really that short for us. But what we do not think of is this; when we are happy, we forget to truly live in the moment, because we are worried about when it will be taken away. I am nothing special. I feel the same way. I worry a lot, I worry about the stupid things, the irrelevant and the temporary.
AM I SIMPLY UNHAPPY?
This question circles my mind very often and I am sure you wonder too. Being happy is a personal choice. It is about seeing the smiles on people around you. Whether you had something to do with it, or not. When we pursue happiness, we find ways to make other people happy, so that we are happy with ourselves for making them happy. But when this happens, we don’t realize that we have placed our happiness in someone else’s hand again.
An example from my favorite childhood stories. The Hobbit. Hobbits are mysteriously stupid creatures. They hoard gold, crockery, cutlery and food and everything material. So did Bilbo. He had a wealth of items in his home. Oh god, the movie didn’t do justice to how the book described it. But he truly found his calling, when he felt himself chasing off into the woods to join the dwarves on a quest to a land far, far away. A bag of food and a handkerchief. Both were wiped out clean in a day’s time, but he realized he found happiness in the dwarves; learning from them, learning with them.
We could hold on to everything we buy, we want, we crave. But it is not until our souls catch fire, that we realize what we want; what makes us happy, what makes us really smile.
The search for more achievements on our badge, and more stuff added to our closets and collections, is usually endless and tiresome. Subtraction, sometimes, is more important than addition. Subtract your material needs and sources of happiness, and add organic ones. The smile on someone’s face, the sound of laughter in an orphanage, the odd stray puppy that you feed along the way, wind hitting your face, a good book to read and a simple meal to cook.
Sometimes, these feelings can feel endless. They can halt time, for you to just feel, feel and feel. That is happiness. No swords over your head, no strain on your brain or your heart. Just a simple, sweet, fleeting feeling.
It makes all the difference. So, the next time you wonder where happiness went away, ask yourself; did I lose my happiness myself? Maybe you need to slow down. See clearly. Feel better. The way J.R.R Tolkein said, “If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.” – don’t blame me. I am a sucker for his books, and the lessons we learn in them.
Written By Anisha Masand
Week 46, November ’20
