This is how I would like to spend my last thirty days on Earth.
Just imagine, that you are going about your daily life and you receive this loud and clear message from the universe — you only have an exact thirty days to live. Not a minute less and not a minute more. This is it. I have been thinking about this for some days now. How would I want to spend these last thirty days? Seven hundred and twenty hours. Forty-three thousand and two hundred minutes. Two million five hundred and ninety-two thousand seconds. Well, you gotta count now. It is all so finite suddenly. Every second counts now. Even the nano-seconds count. Each one is precious. And in our routine days we waste so many of these precious seconds doing things we don’t want to. I pray that I can learn to value every second, every moment that life gives me from here on.
Receiving such a message would first of all throw me in a tizzy, I would imagine. My brain would be whirring. I would need to calm down. Take a few breaths and get a paper and pencil and spend precious minutes making my plan for these days. Thirty days is a long time to complete all that I want to do.
In my mind these thirty days would only be about the people in my life. And about passing the baton. Honestly passing the baton is something that I have been working on even otherwise. From time to time I make notes in this one little diary. This is my handover diary. Whoever has to take over from me must be equipped with all the information to be able to manage my affairs once I am gone. My younger son has been taking an interest and spends time with me to understand things. He is only twenty-four and yet makes every possible effort to learn. I truly love that he asks me so many questions. He wants to know all that troubles me. And most importantly he is not hassled about handling any matters that I am not able to complete in my lifetime.
So, when and if I am told that I have only thirty days left, there will not be much work to do on the ‘passing the baton aspect’. Only minor details may need to be updated. I will not have to spend much time on that. Once again, the focus for me will be all the people who have touched my life.
The most important thing to me would be that I would want my wife and children to be around me all the time for those thirty days. Nobody would be allowed to work. But there will be no sadness. Sadness will be banished. These days have to count and have to be full of fun and love and laughter. No tears will be tolerated. Through my life I have not been very big on laughter. Note to self — I must learn to laugh.
After talking to my wife, I would like to reach out to every person that I feel I need to apologise to. Whilst I am writing this, the thought crossing my mind is, to make this list of people as I go along. I must start my list later today itself. I would like to call or visit, depending on what is possible, every person that I want to apologise to. I would want them to know that every apology is genuine and heartfelt. I have made many mistakes in my life and I am constantly working to make amends. Given thirty days only apologies may be possible, amends may be hard to fulfill. I will ask my heirs to make amends where possible. Correct the impact of my errors. An onerous task for my next-gen. Yet I know they will make a committed effort make as many amends as they can.
The hard part will be saying goodbyes to all whom I dearly love without the tears. Tears are banished as I said. My parents, my siblings, my closest of kin, my dearest friends, my associates at work — my entire universe. Meet as many as I can. Talk to as many as I can. Soak in all the goodness from these interactions. Let all the love surround me. I want to be sent off in the largest possible cloud of love.
I would also like to express my gratitude to all who have loved me, supported me and allowed me to live my life on my own terms. It has been my privilege to have had so many people who have seen me through my toughest times. And believe me, life has had its challenges for me. Many a curve ball that I could not dodge. I must tell them all how special their support has been for me. Note to self — I must start making this list as well.
The last three weeks I would want to spend in the mountains with my wife and children. And the significant others of my children. And my parents. And my friend will have to fly down from London, leaving all his responsibilities behind. And be his happy funny self. He always brightens up my days.
My wife is my strength and the anchor of my world. She will have to be there everywhere. All the time. I cannot imagine she being away even for a split second in these two million five hundred and ninety-two thousand seconds. She will of course complain about being left behind. But her mutterings will be silenced. She has to make these seconds only happy ones. Filled with her zest for life and her love for me. She will have to hug me all the time. And make me laugh a lot. A lot. No complaining will be permitted. No tears. No sadness.
Games, and laughter and love. Walks and drives and music and chats. I have nothing on my bucket list. So the last thirty days would only be about love and living. About gratitude. About mirth and laughter. And saying a happy goodbye to all who meant something to me. The happiest possible send off.
Do share how you would like your last thirty days to be on this planet.
Written By Mohit Gupta
Week 20, May ’20
