“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all, in which case you have failed by default.” — J.K. Rowling
Since I left university in 1989 and started working I have failed so many times at work that it is difficult to count and remember. And I’m not talking about small failures; I’m talking about the kind of failures that mean shutting down businesses, eroding my finances and strongly impacting my well-being. The initial failures were handled easily enough. Reasons were studied and learnings were internalised. Pieces were picked up and moving on was simple execution. Over the last 30 odd years, as time moved on, it became harder and harder for me. Although even today I am able to adapt and move ahead in a reasonably short time.
For reasons difficult to explain, I was involved in several different businesses. It is strange how something told to you whilst growing up can become your life story. I was told many times that I was a jack of all trades and master of none. And somehow that became my life story. I was able to apply my mind to different businesses with relative ease but never really mastered any. Home renovation products retail, property development, rice exports, rice cleaning and polishing, seeds cleaning and packing, cafes, restaurant, hotel, service apartments, homestay marketing, gymnasium, business centre, food manufacturing and consumer marketing for the same — over the years I have dabbled in all this and more.
Processed with VSCOcam with c1 presetNothing really flourished. We built brands to only throw them away. How does all this affect my thoughts, emotions, and my actions? You end up wondering if you are good enough and if you should give up. And all this in the context of being super successful through my entire academic life. All the more it makes it very difficult to handle yourself and handle every fall. There are moments and days when I was borderline depressive. I remember being an emotional wreck. Luckily these moments for me are short-lived.
Over the years, I have picked myself after every fall and moved on. Luckily for me I am not wired to live in regret. I don’t fret over the past too much. It takes me a few days. But I pick myself and look ahead again to find the way forward. And in a matter of days my energy is re-focused and activated towards the next effort. This is my wiring, not some trained approach.
It’s okay to fail. But it’s not okay to give up.
Failure for me does at times feel like a way of life. I have not seen profit in my businesses in a long time. And this current shutdown is really hitting cashflows very very hard. The mountain of debt feels even more of a challenge now. But I convince myself that I have to keep going.
Sometimes, let me reiterate only sometimes, I wonder what may have caused the failures. I don’t wallow or beat myself up about it, but in my effort to learn from what may have happened I explore some questions. Was there a lack of conviction? The answer is not at all. Was there a lack of commitment? Not at all again. Was there a lack of persistence? Nope, Never. Was it fate? Now this is a dangerous line of thinking. If you resign yourself to fate, then you will stop trying. I do feel fate has big role to play, but it is only one part of the mix. There has to be effort from us for fate to kick in.
Whilst failure can make us feel that we are not good enough and at times you just want to give up, it can also make us stronger and wiser.
A definition of failure is — An act or instance of being unsuccessful; lack of success. Certain failures in life are necessary for the fruition of success but failure does not define a person. Zig Ziglar once said, “Failure is an event, not a person.”. Sadly modern day society does not allow us this differentiation between the event and the person. They are easily inter-mingled.
The Babemba tribe has a completely different approach to dealing with human failures & mistakes. Am sharing below a story from the book, Contact, The First Four Minutes by Leonard Sunin about the Babemba tribe.
“The Babemba tribe of southern Africa believes that each human being comes into the world as good. Each one of us only desiring safety, love, peace and happiness.
But sometimes, in the pursuit of these things, people make mistakes.
When a person acts irresponsibly or unjustly, he/she is placed in the centre of the village, alone, unfettered. All work ceases. All gather around the accused individual. Then each person of every age, begins to talk out loud to the accused. One at a time, each person tells all the good things the one in the centre ever did in his/her lifetime.
Every incident, every experience that can be recalled with any detail and accuracy, is recounted. All positive attributes, good deeds, strengths, and kindnesses are recited carefully and at length.
The tribal ceremony often lasts several days, not ceasing until everyone is drained of every positive comment that can be mustered. At the end, the tribal circle is broken, a joyous celebration takes place, and the person is symbolically and literally welcomed back into the tribe. Necessity for such ceremonies is rare!”
What this deals with, is the fear to fail. The fear to fail keeps us from achieving success. Failure simply teaches us to move ahead after course correction in a new direction. If modern day society approached failure by individuals in the way that the Babemba Tribe does, then people will be much more successful and less emotionally scarred. I do feel judged by all around me. Judged for how my life is played out. My parents, my children, my friends and my colleagues. That is a terrible feeling. This kind of judgement makes you doubt yourself a lot. You wonder about your own skills and your own abilities, because everyone is eager to lay the blame on you. Trying to fix the blame on someone is a most damaging human trait.
Now our businesses are becoming part of the collateral damage caused by the current pandemic. We are faced with the prospect of increased inflation, contracting economies, greatly increased unemployment, and most importantly squeezed cash-flows. Am I again responsible for the damage my business will suffer? Laying blame is a slippery road to emotional disaster.
“Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.”
C. S. Lewis
Mistakes will be made in each of our journeys. The only way to avoid mistakes is to not do anything at all. A life lived like that is a life not lived at all.
“I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.”
Michael Jordan
Better to handle failures in a smart and self-kind way, instead to letting an individual viciously self-beating himself or herself.
“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.”
Samuel Beckett
After any failure we need to find inspiration and support from all those around us. And if the people around you are not supportive we must look for inspiration from the world — books, podcasts, online videos, websites, online forums,…. Keep looking till you find what resonates with you.
Keep moving forward. It is the only way to go. Don’t wallow and don’t get stuck in mulling over whatever happened. If it helps, document the learnings and take the next steps.
Our success will only be possible if we don’t allow our setbacks and our failures to define us. You must not become a victim to your failures. The ones who achieved their defined goals did not let someone else tell them that they will not succeed. Only this approach will allow all that we need for our success to fall in place. Of course, the definition of success for each of us will be different.
Many of us fall into the trap of letting our failures hold us back. We give up, cave in, throw in the towel. That is a no-no if we want to achieve what we want. We must chase our dreams. Never give up. In the words of Scarlett O’Hara — “After all, tomorrow is another day.” And through the rest of my journey I shall not give in. Not give up. Will not cave. Will not throw in the towel.
Written By Mohit Gupta
Week 15, April ’20
