Dear feeling stuck,
Wait. You don’t have to scroll past this. This is not one of those letters which tells you that it is a bad day and not a bad life. No. I know you are tired of hearing the same bullshit again and again. I am writing this letter to tell you that it’s okay to suck at things you love and that it is okay if you feel left out in your group. Yes. No. Not sure. Perhaps it is not okay. Perhaps you don’t want it to be okay. Perhaps it’s the least okay anything can be.
I know how it feels. How you feel you are trapped, and even though you have the freedom to walk out, you don’t know where you belong. You feel empty inside and struck? Isn’t it? The one who reaches office at around 9 and waits for his boss to yell at him every day. You don’t mind since you know that you never wanted to become an IT guy. There is that actor inside yearning to get out. Your room is filled with posters of movies and DVDs but you are scared to admit it. The last time you spoke to your father about it, you became a laughing stock among your family.
This my friend is not just a feeling but it’s like those feelings that you can’t ignore. You cannot control it. You can only pause and look around and wait until the sun finally sets and the sky paints a happy picture for you. On some days, you try to remain hopeful that things will get better, but some days are just hard, you don’t know if you are ever going to come out of this loop. On days like these, when every piece of you tells you to give up, I need you to think of something. As a kid, we are told to shut our feelings off and lock them in a corner of our mind. But as an adult, you need to unlearn that.
Every time you wanted to break down and cry, you were told to plaster a smile for the sake of others. It does not matter if you are angry or you’re feeling claustrophobic because there is always a constant pressure that you need to smile and acknowledge things.
Feelings are not like remote controls – you can’t just switch on and switch off whenever you want. Loving someone is not just about grand gestures but also a promise of being there forever. Every time you try to vent out your feelings to someone, a lump forms in your throat and words just don’t come out. You sit there. Blank. You so wish that someone told you that your reactions are valid and that it’s okay if you need to be sad, angry and happy at the same time. No matter how hard you try, you can’t tell them because you don’t know-how. All you have been taught is to ignore your feelings for years. When we aren’t allowed to be sad, happy or angry then the feeling of loving someone becomes impossible. Our generation is lost in the rat race. Give yourself time. Unlearn bottling up of feelings. Start to communicate with the ones you love. Laugh with them. Smile with them. Cry with them. And give them a hug at least once every time you meet them. Share your love.
Photo by Mohit GuptaYou must not stop living. Go learn to play the guitar, or see the Eiffel tower, or just ask someone out.
We keep thinking that we have a lot of time. But one day life grabs you by the neck and you realise that you have become something that you are not. That time is not infinite. Take a moment. And take a hard and objective look at the life you have lived so far. Once you have got that. Really got that clearly understood. Take action to live the life you want from this very moment.
Start a new hobby, something that you always wanted to do. It can be gardening, singing or dancing. Don’t let anyone tell you what you like. What other people think of you does not really matter. Real happiness my friend is not in pay-cheques and promotions. Real happiness is in laughter, road trips, friends and holding the hand of that someone you love. Real happiness is in discovering your hidden self and living the life that you will truly love.
Take that step. Get unstuck.
Yours truly.
Life Itself.
Written By Paul Palathingal
Week 9, March 2021
