Do you think most people can be trusted? Does trust need a leap of faith? My view on this is a resounding “YES” — most people can be trusted. I normally live life by starting any engagement from a position of trust. Does it need a leap of faith? Probably “Yes” again. Life would be impossible if we simply stop trusting.
There is so much that we take for granted when it comes to trust. You do realise that every time you eat somewhere you are placing your trust in so many people. Every place you stay, or every doctor whose advise you follow, or every time you fly, or every time you buy a product, or every time you visit the hospital or every time you drive. Well, driving has several levels of trust — other drivers on the road, the people walking on the streets, the manufacturer of the vehicle, the service engineers and above all yourself. When you look deep in your life, you are trusting so many people and many whom you have never even met. Just saying.
Most important, of course, is to trust yourself. Remember there are three corner stones to trust — competence, reliability and honesty. Make this your holy grail if you desire a life full of trust. Ask yourself — Am I trustworthy?
I recall an incident from the mid-nineties. Our younger one was barely a few months old and we were visiting Coonoor in South India, not far from Coimbatore. Digressing a little, Coonoor is a tiny (was tiny then, and we have not been since) hill station in the Nilgiri Hills. At an elevation of 1850 meters it can be pretty cool in the winter months. Even at that young age, I remember how we loved nature. It rejuvenated us. The Children were little, and it was a joy introducing them to nature as well. I can still remember holding my older one’s hand and exploring the area. And carrying the younger one. So many years gone by. Tough to think of them as ever being little, now that they are strapping young adults.
Coming back to my story. Digression over. Somebody from the hotel guided us to visit this quaint store not far from the hotel. It so happened that the store was right at the bottom of a nearby valley. The drive down all the way on a gravelly road was a little concerning and yet exciting. The little ones were with us. The store had an amazing collection of embroidery work done by local artisans. Amongst their collection was petit point work done by nuns from the nearby towns. I had no clue what that even means but my wife knew its origins and its worth. She absolutely loved the work. We narrowed down to a strip of sturdy fabric about 3 meters long, that was embroidered most lovingly and in a lot of detail in the petit point style of work — Called a saree fall. Very nicely finished. Looked amazing. The saree fall is sewed and attached to the hem of a saree such that it covers the initial drape and pleats area only. This primarily helps the saree fall well by giving it some weight at the base, hence the name. Enough about the details. Let me get to the point I want to make. This was obviously very very expensive. Around thirty-five thousand rupees, if I remember correctly. At that point in time and at the point in my life it was a lot of money. A lot of money. I did not have that kind of money with me either on the trip. The owner of the store was amazing. She said that I have my brother in Bombay (as it was known then) and you can pay him when you get back. And saying that a little later in the day she had that and some other items we had shortlisted delivered to our hotel. Just like that.
I was still wondering — How did she trust us enough, having never met or heard of us before, to handover something so expensive? And even after going back I was worrying how I will put the money together. After a lot of thinking, with a lot of sadness, we decided to return the saree fall to the store the next day. We did keep some of the smaller items and paid for them on our return. Every time I think back, I am amazed that she trusted us the way she did. I am unable to understand what made her trust us. This was in the age of no availability of the internet. She could not google us and check on us. Nothing. She just took a leap of faith. And we came through.
The other one that impresses me a lot is honesty bars and honesty stations. My first experience with an honesty bar was at a tiny boutique hotel near Ronda in Spain — Hotel La Fuente de la Higuera. Owned and managed by Christina and Pom this experience was warm and very personal. We felt that we were their personal guests and not just someone who had booked and paid online to stay at their hotel. Food, handled by their son, was top-notch and so were the rooms. But what really stayed with me was their honesty bar. They had their entire liquor collection kept open with a book next to it. Whoever took a drink just had to write it in the book and they would bill it at check out. How do they trust strangers who stay with them from far flung countries to be honest about what they drank?
Another experience for us was an honesty shop in the Malvern Hills. Right on a road, outside the gate of their house, somebody had displayed farm fresh fruits and juices. All you had to do was pick one and drop the money in the box kept there. There wasn’t even a camera monitoring that. Now both product and money could be easily stolen. How do they trust all and sundry that may drive by?
We did drink water from a tiny spring in the Malvern Hills for over ten days. Just a pipe coming out of the wall on the side of the road. What made us trust that? Firstly, our hosts recommended the spring water. And secondly every time we went to get our next five litres of the tastiest water I have ever had, there was a queue of locals there to fills several cans.
This encouraged me start my own endeavor of trust — an honesty tea/coffee station at our vacation rentals apartment block in Calangute, Goa. We leave all the tea/coffee material on the counter in the office area, with instructions on how to make the beverage they want. Guests can help themselves and drop in whatever amount they want in a box. It is up to them to decide the amount they want to put in.
In a way I have trusted from a very young age. Every new person who joined our team and every team member working with us now is dealt with, from the premise of trust. I have always done that, and now even more will always continue doing that.
Every time you drop a letter in the mailbox — Trust. Every time you share a secret — Trust. Is trust misplaced at times? Perhaps. Letters do get lost. Secrets do find a way to get around. So, choices have to be made given the best possible information available to us. But the main question is how do we build a life of trust.
In every aspect of our lives, personal relationships to the global stage, trust makes humanity beyond humans. Trust makes living possible. But there is a flipside. We are also living in a cynical world, where we don’t trust the politicians, the medical fraternity, the big business houses, the governments. The world easily conjures up numerous conspiracy theories. This is an area of building trust that requires a lot of work in the world. Perhaps a less capitalistic world may drive humanity to build trust in these areas. Today my focus is on us individually living a life full of trust.
Let us explore the key commitments required to be able to live a life full of trust.
1. Telling the truth. People will over time understand that you are somebody who always tells the truth.
2. Admit when you make a mistake and admit when you don’t know things. Take responsibilities for any failings or anything that goes wrong under your watch.
3. If you commit to something, ensure that it happens. Ensure that people know that your word is your bond.
4. Whenever you take some action, controversial or not, be ready to explain yourself.
5. Trust others. Of course, after making a considered judgement. Some others cannot simply be trusted, eg the people who call asking for banking details. Be discerning and yet trust the people in your life.
6. Give others a chance to talk, and when they are talking listen with intent. Remember to put away your phone. Don’t be distracted or fidgety.
Is this too idealistic? Perhaps yes. But then trust does take commitment and practice. Essentially for you to be trustworthy others must be convinced by your actions and hence, be able to trust you. Every action you take must keep in mind that you want to build trust amongst all those around you and all those that depend on you. Trust yourself and trust others around you, so that you can live a life of trust.
Written By Mohit Gupta
Week 17, April ’20
