As I reflect on all the times I was dissatisfied with my life, I realise it was because I wasn’t in alignment with my core values. The best way to illustrate this would be to give you the example of my first big-girl job. As a fresh college graduate, I was eager to enter the workforce and show the world what I was made of. Hyper keen to learn, I dedicated myself to the company — so much so that I stopped focusing on myself entirely. Unmotivated by my protracted to-do list, sitting for hours in pointless and unorganised meetings, and spending valuable time listening to toxic co-workers interrupt my workflow with futile office politics, led me to make unhealthy choices that plague much of the world. I joined the mass zombie nation that is overworked, underpaid and highly stressed. I had no energy to exercise; I ran on an empty tank most of the time and picked up horrible eating habits. The same cycle repeated itself as I went on to my next two jobs.
I could go on and further blame external circumstances, but the harsh truth is that I was not taking responsibility of my own life. I realised that I did not define my core personal values and so I was living in accordance with a combination of everyone else’s. Every aspect of my life was affected by this, until I decided to define my core values.
That begs the question — what are core values? To put it simply, they’re our internal compass. They help us develop insight and become more familiar with ourselves, they reflect our truest essence and guide our decisions, intentions and behaviour. Values have a great impact on our inner world. They define us. They form the foundation of our character. And since you have to live with yourself, your values should be one of the most important things in your life. For example, when you always tell the truth, you become an honest person. It’s as simple as that. And yet, we collectively underestimate the importance of values.
How do we develop our value system? Conditioning is a real thing, and that holds true for core values as well. Like in the case for most people, in my formative years, my core values were deeply influenced by my parents, extended family, teachers and friends. As I grew up, however, my experiences shaped my values, independent of what those around me believed in. Society, politics, employers, music, books, film, media, games, the time I grew up in — all came together to help form my value system.
If I were to pick the underlying theme of my core value system, I reckon I would land on compassion. I don’t think I’d be incorrect in assuming that most of us place emphasis on compassion. Undeniably, compassion forms a sizable chunk of the human experience – we love and care for our family; confronted by someone in pain, our instinct is to feel for that person; when someone reached out in times of trouble, we feel touched. Personally, compassion compels me to remain in the present moment despite the suffering, pain or fear that might be arising – mine or someone else’s. Partially, I’ve learned how important it is for me to practice compassion because of how terrible it feels when I’m not. I can’t recall a single time when I’ve been harsh, thoughtless, or unfriendly and felt better for having acted in such a way. Years of practice has taught me that one can maintain clear boundaries, take a stand when necessary and voice our frustrations while still resting in compassion.
Compassion is the most powerful force in the world. It can defeat indifference, intolerance and injustice. It is able to replace judgment with acceptance because it makes no distinction between age, ethnicity, gender or disability. It freely embraces the rich diversity of humanity by treating everyone as equals. It benefits both those who receive it and those who share it. Every person on earth desires it, and every human being deserves it.
Written By Rhea Baweja
Week 41, October ’20
