“Self-care is not selfish or self-indulgent. We cannot nurture others from a dry well. We need to take care of our own needs first, then we can give from our surplus, our abundance. -” Jennifer Loudon
These lines have been deeply rooted in my heart. In the course of loving others and living in someone else’s shadow, we often neglect ourselves. Traits that describe us and reflect our personality like our hobbies take a back seat. The sweet moments like a slithering paper boat or the sound of the rain on a lazy Monday noon, that usually filled us with content, are eventually lost in the attempt of pleasing others. In order to live up to other people’s perceptions of us, we often shift our focus from our well-being to less important things like daily chores, presentations, deadlines, and meetings. In this vicious cycle of over-achieving, one forgets to rejoice in the little things in life.
Self-nurturing is not a selfish act, it helps us to become a better human. It is only when one has the confidence of self-love, is one able to reflect it on others, thus, benefiting humankind. The idea of self-love goes beyond accepting our flaws. We need to embrace the idea of good and bad and learn to love what might be perceived as bad.
An article I once read, mentioned Kintsugi, which is the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold. It threw light on the idea that by embracing flaws and imperfections, you can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art. It teaches us how destruction can also sometimes lead to unexpectedly delightful results.
Nurturing needs love, care, and a lot of patience. As in the case of a plant, only watering won’t help it, it needs extra support to stand still and most importantly attention. So is the case in terms of loving oneself. There will be some blue days when you feel low and struggle to make it out of your bed. On such days, you feel choked with your emotions. Certain feelings like an unanswered call or text from your best friend or a lack of understanding from your parents can kick you when you are down. There will be days when your flatmate would eat the last piece of pizza without you or your love would push you harder and that kind of explosion is something you are not looking for. Days when you feel empty and the relations that you have worked so hard in bringing up have failed miserably. In such times, everything may seem miserable and pointless and you might not be peaceful even in the arms of the safe house.
It is in such times, we need to remind ourselves that with the good comes the bad. When you feel like the world has turned its back on you, remind yourself of the days when you sat alone crying on a Sunday afternoon and it was your best friend who gave you her shoulder to lean on. Be grateful for the people who have loved you unconditionally in times of failure and help ease your pain.
Yes, there will be days when the best people won’t be their best selves and those are the days when you need to introspect and focus on loving yourself. Take a deep breath and make an effort to love those beautiful people a little harder. Never be hard on yourself, instead remind yourself:
- When you feel broken, be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to seek help.
- Despite the negativity, there are always people who love to see you smiling. Smile more for them.
- Life is filled with ups and downs. It sometimes takes you high and sometimes brings you into a pothole. Remember you can handle both until you remember to smile.
- Do not overload yourself with work. Work till you enjoy it. Do not judge yourself only for those productive days.
- You deserve to love yourself first. Once you start accepting who you are, life becomes easier and better to handle.
So my dear, when was the last time you cried your heart out? When was the last time you watched your favourite sitcom with your family and laughed your heart out? When was the last time you played a Taylor Swift song and stayed awake thinking about someone special? When was the last time you went cycling and pretended to forget your home route? When was the last time you laughed and cried at the same time? This is your time to do it. Do it now. Don’t hesitate. Love the parts that are flawed and love them harder. Take pride in yourself cause you deserve it all.
It happens to everyone. We all die a little every day. It has happened to you and it has happened to me so there is nothing to be ashamed of. Today we might feel a little dull but tomorrow when we wake up, we begin again and focus on being a better version of ourselves. We need to learn to rejoice in the little joys in life, after all, they are the only joys in life.
Show off your collar bone. Redefine beauty standards and live according to your rules. Go and take the last-minute train and have the burger with extra cheese. Be your own master. Go and sing the song and dance like a toad gone wild because who knows what tomorrow brings? Take one day at a time and strive towards being your best self. Don’t be harsh on yourself, nurture yourself and pick those pieces cause the last time I checked broken pencils could colour again.
Written By Poonam Chatterjee
Week 39, October 2021
